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tsarcasm:

trapsical:

I took a shit in my grandma’s cat’s litterbox when I was like 13 and my whole family was wilding out trying to figure out why the cat took such a huge dump. Then they took her to the vet and we found out she has feline HIV so in a way, I helped her.

this story was wild from start to finish

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iwannabefeymous:

Liz Lemon’s Pro/Con List for Dennis Duffy
PROS 
basically nice
takes good care of his feet
makes good chili
remembers my birthday
rarely wants to do it
is funny when he goofs on his friends
doesn’t care about money
loyal
too lazy to cheat
would increase likelihood of a blue-eyed kid
loves The Simpsons
has good hair
has already seen me throw up two times
fixed tv
Jack likes him
CONS
not super smart
listens to Winger
dental hygiene
wears acid wash denim
always wants foot rubs
not much money
catholic
doesn’t like his mother
I don’t like his mother
his mother doesn’t like me
loves Family Guy
reads The Post
insists on spending holidays with his mother
has already seen me throw up
attempted threeway
racist
wears Italian horn even though Irish
Jack likes him
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